Diddly Squat: Home to Roost

Welcome back to Clarkson’s Farm. So, that went well . . . The spring barley crop failed. Just like the oil seed rape. And the durum wheat. Then the oats turned the color of a hearing aid and the mushrooms went moldy. Farming sheep, pigs and cows was hardly more lucrative. Jeremy would be better off trying to breed ostriches. But in the face of uncooperative weather, the relentless realities of the agricultural economy, bureaucracy, a truculent local planning department and the world’s persistent refusal to recognise his ingenuity and genius, our hero’s not beaten yet. Not while the farm shop’s still doing a roaring trade in candles that smell like his knacker hammock, he isn’t. On the face of it, the challenges of making a success of Diddly Squat are enough to have you weeping into your (Hawkstone) beer, but misery loves company and in girlfriend Lisa, Farm Manager Kaleb, Cheerful Charlie and Gerald his Head of Security Jeremy knows he’s got the best. And it’s hard for a chap to feel too gloomy about things when there’s a JCB telehandler, a crop-spraying hovercraft and a digger in the barn.
It's been another memorable year on Diddly Squat Farm - will the chickens finally come home to roost?'Fans of Prime TV series Clarkson's Farm will enjoy this companion' IRISH TIMES----Welcome back to Clarkson’s Farm.So, that went well . . .The spring barley crop failed.Just like the oil seed rape.And the durum wheat.Then the oats turned the colour of a hearing aid and the mushrooms went mouldy.Farming sheep, pigs and cows was hardly more lucrative. Jeremy would be better off trying to breed ostriches.But in the face of uncooperative weather, the relentless realities of the agricultural economy, bureaucracy, a truculent local planning department and the world’s persistent refusal to recognise his ingenuity and genius, our hero’s not beaten yet. Not while the farm shop’s still doing a roaring trade in candles that smell like his knacker hammock, he isn’t.On the face of it, the challenges of making a success of Diddly Squat are enough to have you weeping into your (Hawkstone) beer, but misery loves company and in girlfriend Lisa, Farm Manager Kaleb, Cheerful Charlie and Gerald his Head of Security Jeremy knows he’s got the best. And it’s hard for a chap to feel too gloomy about things when there’s a JCB telehandler, a crop-spraying hovercraft and a digger in the barn.Because as a wise man* once said, ‘there’s no man alive who wouldn’t have fun with a digger . . .’*Jeremy----Praise for Clarkson's Farm:'The best thing Clarkson's done . . . It pains me to say this' GUARDIAN'Shockingly hopeful' INDEPENDENT'Even the most committed Clarkson haters will find him likeable here' TELEGRAPH'Quite lovely' THE TIMESNumber 1 Sunday Times bestseller, October 2024