Diffuse, Diffuse

Pain and grief are old friends. I’ve done my best to balance them, ignore them, simply live with them my whole life. And I had a plan. Summer break was going to be my time to finally address my grief with Nevaeh by my side.We were supposed to be happy, to start planning the rest of our lives together because I’ve known from the moment we met that I’m going to marry her.Nothing was supposed to go wrong.But then everything did.Now, my whole world is upside down and nothing makes sense anymore. Not my feelings. Not right or wrong. Not even left or right.All I can focus on is that I’m leading the Drivers’ Championship, but my rivals aren’t far behind me. They’re threatening to take away my chance to get my first title.Worst of all, the reason I’m lost, the cause behind it all, isn’t going away. It’s here to stay, no matter how forcefully that may be.And I’m scared it’ll cost me the one person I need more than oxygen to breathe.I’m scared it’ll cost me the love of my life, and if I do…That’s something I could never survive.